Posts » How to Summon Cthulhu in Three Easy Steps

by Lemmy
posted

1) Obtain a copy of the Necronomicon from your local library

2) Become fluent in R'lyehian, the language of the Old Ones.

3) O͈͘Ọ̫͚͍̋ͬͦB̢͖̮͉̗͉́ͮͬ͆ͥO̝̬̎̉ͬ̔̍S͈̓̆̍ͫ͝H͚̘̼̘ͭ̑̏U̹͂̾̉̅̄ͩ͛ ͮ͐R͌̔҉͈̤͖͖̥'̛̈̄Ļ̘̫̤͓̲͙̻̎̓͌ͮU͊ͥ̿͛̐̔H̘ͭ̄̀ ̛̰͉͓͕C̶H̼̣͎̜͈͌̾̓̇̄́̀Ťͦ̔̚҉͔͙͈̦̭̤͖E͔͍̩̕N̫͓̹̟̫̈̀F̩̞̲̂ͤ̈́̊Fͬͥ͗ͦ͏̤̱̼̩̦̼͇ ̮̈̈́̑͗ͧ͆͒C̻̍ͧ̒͋͂̇̚TH̙͛̏̓͛Ŭ̥̫̫͍͈͒̕Ĺ͙̬̙̟ͤ̇̔ͩ̎Ḧ͚̩̥͙̜̙́̓͑̓̏̒͜ͅU̝̼͙͑̉ͭͤ̈́̒ ̛̯̯͎̖͐ͅṤ̯͓͓̇͜T̄̎͊̾E̟͎̟͎̳̫̪ͥL̓̊ͯL̹͂̽'ͨͣͩͥ̄͛́҉̤̫̘̞̗ͅB̿͢S̴̤̰̮͚͓̣̀Ṉ̤͇̐ͥ̊̈̏̀Aͦ̍̉̓̀ ͍̯̠͕̑͂ͦ̊̈́'̡͍͚̹̃ͧ̓ͭ̚B̷̀̑ͧ͌T͍ͯ͂̆̕H̴͎̞̿ͬN̹̯̼̲͚͈̰̔̎̀K͍̣̖͍ͨ ̖̩̦͇ͭ̓̏ͧ͆͌ͫ͡G͙̲͕̞Rͧ̃̈̒͗͛҉̰̝̥A̝͔̺̤ͮͩ͟Ḧ͕̣̗̜͎̗̘́̈̓̓̚'͖̟͎̣̞̣͔̑͒̏͒̓͆̽̀N͚͇̘̲͚͓̍̋ͥͬͪ̌ ̺̞̻̲͚̗̬͜T͎̥̯͙̣̓̋̉͋͢H͍̣̩̗̪ͭ̃ͮ̓̒̍̚A͖̞̫̙̹ͫ̒ͩ́R̃ͫ̚Ḁ̂N̈̽ͬ̈́̊ͪ͒͞A̙̬̥̝͔ͮ̐̆ͪ̌K̏̓̐̋ ̀S͙͚̖̟̯̞͌͒H̫͎̱̀́͗͞U̩͟Ĝ̟̥͓̫̟͆̍́͐͌G̤̞̣ͤ̍̾ͦ͘ ̶͍͇̘̝̬̅Ň͓̭̯͉̤ͨ̇̂͠O̢̤͍̫̫̭G̪̰̪̟͑ͨ̽ͮ̋̚ ̶͖͉̞̬ͧ̄S̤̖͖̭͉͑ͤͪ̄́̊̄Ỵ̲̟̿ͤͩ̕H̱̝͕͔̣̰̆̂ͩ̀͟A̟̪̦͎͘'̮͉̑H̳̟̗̖ͨ̾ͦ̊͐͆ͅY̜͗͒̓̚̚͟A̭͍R͈̯̺̺̿̀ ̤̯͓̻͛ͦ̂ͩ͊ͅS̙͔͍͙͓̼̋̂̆̾͊ͩḤ̐͞O̝͛̓̚͟ͅG͖͓̞̘ͯ͑̓͆̅ͬ͗G͍̩̠̞̭̜̤ͨ̐ͧ̎ͭ̓.̧͓̬͉̦̳ͬ͗ͧ ̝̭̤͙̥̬̬͛̅F̬̳͆M̖͍̺̤͚ͣ͟'͉̯̲ͧ̔͞L̸͎̤͇̹͔͇͖̒̂Ȁ̊T͍ͨ͜Gͤ̕Hͧ̎͑̌̇ͯ͏ ̼̰̲͔̻̣͌ͪ̎͡H̿̇͏̱̺͎͉̹̖Ĺ̶̿Ì͖̌͌͠R̲͇̟G͉̹͑̆̅͢H͉̱̹̤͡H̴͓͈̹̺̳ ̮̲̮̮̟̥͋͆Y̷͈͔'̿ͯͯ͌͗̈́H͔̣͕̣̊͌ͦ̕Å̶̖͕̦̝̏̓ͥ͛H̽̒̒ͫ̐҉̤̜̺͍ͅͅ.̶ͤ͒̌

And that's all you have to do.

Ten Rose
we do not feel comfortable with your three step guide
Cheeseum
I followed this guide and seventeen horrifying plagues were released upon the earth instead. I was grounded for 2 months. Definitely do NOT recommend this.